This time last year I was facing my first Mother’s Day with a heart full of both love and grief. Love for my beautiful full of life 2yr old who filled my heart with laughter every day. A heavy forever-changed heart full of grief and a profound sadness from the 2 losses I’d experienced that year. The anger and unjustness that I should have had a 2 month old new baby in my arms right now or that I should have been 5 months pregnant again…
A heart full of should’s and what if’s, a head full of questions, a heart full of longing and yearning for the babies I’d lost and the future children I wanted.
I had a new found gratitude and awe for everything my 2yr old was and comfort in all that she will grow up to be. I also had a new found fear of loss and how our future plans of how things are going to be are not guaranteed. A deep seated fear of things not going to plan and anger at my body for letting me down yet again.
Mother’s Day began to mean so much more. I felt more for those friends around me trying but without babies, for others I knew experiencing loss and for others pregnant with the joy of new life after previous losses.
This year I’m in a new place of both gratitude and a sense of peace. I have my beautiful sunshine daughter and my rainbow baby boy. I’m truly truly blessed and I’m thankful for all that I went through. It has changed who I am and has given me a new perspective on life. I thank the stars for my children each and every day.
Take a moment this Mothers Day to think of others and their individual journeys. Send them love & compassion. Be grateful for all that you have and what may come your way in the future.
Forever in my heart and my mind my two middle babies, I’ll remember you this and every Mothers Day 💕
Mummy (Sam) xo